^ Lame. Totally lame. Calling myself out on that one.
Even though there's only one less person, it feels like the house is five hundred times emptier. Aaron is a big person with a big personality. My life has revolved solely around him and Declan for the last two months, since he's been jobless. He has strong preferences, lots of ideas, random outbursts... and now, what do I do? As much as I love Declan, conversations with a four-month-old tend to be one-sided.
I tear up at every little thing. You'd think he died or something. I cried the first time I had to use the bathroom after he left, because I actually had to put the baby in his bouncer rather than just handing him over, saying "Hold him real quick."
This would be easier if Aaron had been gone at work all day for the past few months, but instead we've been attached at the hip. For two months, I literally have not been alone with the baby for more than a couple of hours. We got to share every cute thing he did, argue over every diaper change, collaborate at bath time, everything. I feel like I should be recording every second of Declan's day to send to Aaron, so he doesn't miss out. But I know that he would just laugh at me.
He just called, from outside of Wichita. Says he's bored so he's going to pull over to read and play Scrabble on the iPod that I so graciously let him kidnap. I got a lump in my throat. I wish he were here. The house is too quiet.