Flutter

Today I couldn't pay attention in Philosophy because Baby was kicking me! The past couple of nights I have been able to feel the little kicks when I'm very still and laying on my back. This morning, I was just sitting in class, minding my own business, and Baby was fluttering up a storm!

It's the weirdest sensation. It feels like when you have a twitch in your eye, but not half as annoying, because it's Baby. He or she is six inches long by now, and weighs a quarter of a pound. That seems huge to me! Only two and a half more weeks until we find out whether to buy pink or blue things, the suspense is killing me. 

In other news, I'm hungry and thirsty all the time, I pee constantly, and I'm running out of loose dresses and empire-waist shirts to hide my belly! Also, Aaron announced that if Baby's a girl, I can name her whatever I want! All I had to do was bug him with enough names ("What about Violet, honey? Or what about Charlotte?" x 8,143 different names) and he gave up. Woo!

Yes, It's Scary

Keely asked for me to tell her what being pregnant is like, because it sounds scary. Well, it scary. But it's also crazy, wonderful, annoying, surprising, and a lot of other adjectives. 

The first part was kind of like having PMS and the flu at the same time. I was bloated, moody, achy, tired, nauseous, etc. and I hated it. It was gross. 

Now, I feel fine. I've grown a full bra size, so my shoulders hurt sometimes with the weight of my newfound C-cups, and I still get tired easily. But my appetite is back, and I feel like myself again and not some demon-woman who wants to scream and kick puppies and stuff. 

And the best / weirdest part is the little tumor growing below my belly button. It's really bizarre. I've lost 8 pounds since getting pregnant, but the little lump keeps getting bigger! And it's really hard - like when you eat way too much and have a "food baby," but lower down. 

I had a doctor's appointment last Friday; Baby's heart rate was 156 bpm and everything looks right on track. My next appointment is May 15th, and that's when we'll find out whether Baby is a boy or a girl! Yay! May 15th is also the lat day of finals, so if anyone possesses time-warping powers, I'd like to fast forward to that day, please!

Due Date Buddies!

Okay, this is gonna be a really lame blog update, but I just wrote a novel in Julie's comment section, so I feel justified in just giving a little snippit and heading to bed. 

Confession: I've been reading the online tabloids, waiting for celebrities to announce their pregnancies so that I can find out whose babies will be born at the same time as mine. But it's been frustrating because, you know, celebs wait forever to tell the world because I guess they appreciate privacy and stuff like that. But I'm finally starting to see an announcement of two that says October, such as Sarah Michelle Gellar and Heidi Klum! 

I guess it could be bad for my self-image to watch these supermodels and movie stars throughout their picture-perfect pregnancies, and later to compare my kid to their rich, genetically superior kid, but whatever. 

Also, I'm fourteen weeks today, and I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for which I have to pee in a cup first thing in the morning. Woohoo! (sarcasm should be noted.)

Golden

Today is warm and sunny! And I'm wearing a new shirt! And I'm done with my psychology exam!

I've decided that rather than stress about my religion paper due tomorrow, I'm going to get a large root beer, spread out a blanket on the grass, and bask in the warmth of spring (finally!) until sunset. 

There are enough hormones coursing through my body right now to make a 500 pound male gorilla grow ovaries, I swear. But as much as I HATE the vicious mood swings that come with pregnancy, they make the good moods seem so much better. 

I could be holed up in my room, sweatpants on, bitching about how I can't have caffeine to help me stay awake to write this paper. But this basking plan sounds so much more fun. Plus, I won't be able to wear regular jeans much longer, so I might as well take advantage of the time I have left with them.

I think it's the sun that giving me this sense of calm and satisfaction. A good mood is my body's way of thanking me for finally allowing it to absorb some vitamin D. The Longest Winter Ever is finally over!

Name Game

We have tentative top 10 name lists!

And by tentative, I mean it's entirely possible that Baby's name will not come from these lists. Aaron and I are just about polar opposites as far as naming style, so go ahead and give me the benefit of the doubt here, and assume that any name that you think is just terrible is Aaron's pick.

Boys: Declan, Beckett, Noah, Liam, Asher, Everett, Holden, Rowan, Ezra, Kieran

Girls: Clara, Annabelle, Harper, Lila, Evelyn, Ivy, Lillian, Calla, Kaia, Emmeline

I'm a little self-conscious about putting the names out in the public, but I really do value honest feedback. As much as naming a child is about picking a name that the parents love, I definitely want Baby to have a name that is well-liked by the general public, as well. Maybe that's just the people-pleaser in me.

And those are just first names. The real battle begins with what should be the easy part: middle names. Why a battle? Because Aaron wants to honor his family, and they all seem to have names of questionable style, such as Eugene and Doris. I'd kind of like to honor my family, too, but I haven't even brought that up yet, I've been too busy shooting down Nimrod. 

Yes, his great-grandfather was named Nimrod.

Numbered Days

Thursdays are very important days for me and Baby. 

Because Baby was conceived on a Thursday, I found out that I was pregnant on a Thursday, and every Thursday a new week begins in the life of Baby. Also, my last period started on a Thursday, over 3 months ago, but somehow I still have rogue tampons laying around my room and in my bag.

Anyway, that's all to say that today, we (well, I, since Baby can't hear yet) celebrated my 13th week of pregnancy. 

It's hard to express the gauntlet of emotions and experiences that I've been through in the past 13 weeks. As someone who had her life fairly planned out and was taking appropriate measures to avoid having a baby, 13 weeks has been just enough to get over the shock and guilt and, sometimes, anger that I felt upon finding out that the Pill had failed me. 13 weeks has been enough time to realize that Baby is not a curse, or bad luck, or The Thing That Will Ruin My Life, but an unexpected blessing. Yes, my life will be harder. Yes, I will be judged. But it's not the end of the world, and I can't see how this experience would make me anything but stronger, more resilient, and a better person. 

I've lost friends. It's a sad reality. Finally, in my 13th week, I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is a completely new phase of my life, and not everyone from my wild college party days will continue on with me into this new phase. But, suddenly, I see that as a positive thing. Some things are better left behind. I'm glad to know exactly who my friends are.

These are the things I think about on Thursdays. 

The Orphanage

I've gotten into the habit of watching Netflix on my computer at bedtime, usually something boring that will make me fall asleep.

Well, today, I stumbled upon a "list of top Instant Viewing movies on Netflix," which was like finding treasure, because the selection is really, really bad. I wanted to see if anyone had found anything good that I had somehow missed. 

The guy recommended a movie called El Orfanato (The Orphanage). Perfect, I thought, movies with subtitles are easy to go to sleep to because if I close my eyes, I don't know what's going on!

Wrong. Unfortunately, my Spanish is good enough to understand how INSANELY CREEPY the movie was, even with my eyes closed (which they were for the last 30 minutes - not out of sleepiness, mind you - out of sheer terror). It did not put me to sleep one bit. Instead, I'm still awake, waiting anxiously for some disfigured ghost child to grab me. 

It wasn't like, permanently scarring or anything, and it was actually really well done and suspenseful and everything that a horror movie should be. I would totally recommend it to people who like scary movies. I would even watch it again. DURING THE DAYTIME! and NOT ALONE!

Learned my lesson, I suppose. Now I'll have to watch some inane comedy to calm my nerves. Or perhaps my favorite Netflix to fall asleep to - Lost Castles of England. Medieval architecture puts me right to sleep every time.

Fresh Start

I figured that a new title and a past-post purge was in order, all things considered.

Yesterday I celebrated the completion of my 12th week, which means that Baby is officially a fetus rather than an "embryo," has fingernails and toenails, vocal cords, a working liver and kidneys, and many other exciting things. It's helpful to remember these exciting things when I am taking my third bathroom break in an hour, so that I don't get too frustrated.

Our upcoming move to Texas has got Aaron all aflutter with anxiety, even though he's the one who insisted upon it... apparently some evil Iowans are trying to convince him that he won't find a job that pays well in Austin, so he should just stay in Iowa. I continue to roll my eyes and remind him that these unhelpful people are not experts on the Austin job market. 

The next six weeks will undoubtedly be the longest six weeks ever, but after that, it's all poolside lounging, Baby growing, and relaxing in the luxury of our condo. Oh, and a job. But I'm focusing on the bright side. If only everyone else would, too...