Thursday, February 3, 2011

Medical Mystery Drama

Yes, I'm turning my life into a TV show.

A few weeks ago, it would have been a sitcom - the trials and tribulations of dealing with a hyper toddler and a husband who has the maturity of a ten-year-old. But now, it's much more along the lines of House.

As background info, the nursing home where I work is currently under quarantine due to the stomach flu. Pretty much everyone is getting it. The symptoms occur in this order: diarrhea, fever vomiting, fever breaks, patient is well within 24 hours. Trust me, I've seen in play out in about 60 different people over the last week, and it always goes that way.

Well, my version has played out like this:

Friday night I felt a little nauseous, but I was staying up too late watching scary movies and I'd eaten a little too much pizza. So I blew it off as being over-full and tired.

Saturday I went to work, cleaned up vomit for 8 hours, came home, and fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, I started getting ready to go out for my sister-in-law's birthday, but I was quickly returned to the couch care of a crippling bout of nausea. I thought for sure I was coming down with the tummy bug - I called my SIL, cancelled our plans for margaritas, and laid on the couch moaning for a few hours. No diarrhea, no fever, no vomiting, but I just *knew* it was all coming. Then, around bedtime, it went away. I felt fine. I thought that maybe I was okay.

Sunday I had waves of nausea on and off, and I noticed that it seemed to be better after I ate. But it was never anything like Saturday night, so I figured I was just getting over it.

Monday, I woke up feeling fine, but within an hour or so, I felt like throwing up. I was so queasy that I couldn't even dress one of the residents at the nursing home, because she was coughing up phlegm and it was making me gag (normally I have an iron stomach, people call me in to deal with gross thing that they can't handle.) Anyway, that nausea lasted until about 11:30. At that time, I ate a couple Starburst, drank a glass of water, and felt totally fine. I came home, ate lunch, and sat down to relax. Then in the evening, it came back, though not as strong. But this time, I felt very feverish - achy, shaky, and my eyes were burning. Unfortunately, the thermometer is lost. SO I'll never know whether or not I ran a fever that night.

Tuesday, I felt great. Mostly. There were some random spells of nausea, but nothing strong enough for me to avoid eating like normal. Wednesday was the same. This morning I feel okay, but when I went to eat my scrambled eggs, something strange happened. I took one bite, and it was delicious, yummy, I wanted more. I took another bite, and my body totally rejected it. I knew that if I swallowed that bite, I was going to puke. It was like my throat closed up and wouldn't let any more food in. So I spit out the eggs, and put my bowl in the fridge. Within minutes, I ate half a blueberry bagel with no problems.

HOUSE! Solve my mystery!

It's obviously not the 24-hour virus that is going around, since it's been almost a week now. BUT, the strongest of the nausea seems to be over (Saturday night and Monday morning), so maybe it was a watered down, drawn out version? But I've had stomach viruses before, and the nausea is usually relentless, at least until you throw up, because that's your body's way of getting the germies out.

For those of you readers who are like, "Uh, DUH, you're pregnant!" - that's not what this is. While it would be stupid of me to deny that the thought had crossed my mind, I've had it confirmed by multiple experts (my mom, who's had morning sickness twice, and my SIL, who's had it four times) that nausea on day 19 of my cycle (aka, only 4-5 days after hypothetical sperm met hypothetical egg) could NOT be related to pregnancy. Plus I don't have any other symptoms (early symptoms with Declan: cramps, sore boobs, peeing more.)

If this doesn't get totally better in a few more days, I'll be making a doctor's appointment. I wish it could be with House, but he'd laugh me out of the hospital. So I'll have to settle for our local family doctor. I don't know what he'll tell me - an ulcer? an allergy? a tumor? - but at least he can give me some Zofran or something.

Just kidding about the tumor, by the way.

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